Never giving up…

hope

Are you on a journey?

I hope everyone said yes, because life is a lot of things, but most certainly a journey!

I’ve been kind of ping-ponging around with jobs and classes and volunteer work for the last two years.  Clearly, I’m looking for something.

Before my adventures in finding my path started, I was one of those old reliable folks.  For the most part, I would stay at a job for a number of years before leaving for the next opportunity, and the progression usually made sense to the world at large.

This made me proud, as I was raised to be a hard worker who is super responsible.  However, as time marched on, I grew up, got married and had kids.  I went through major depressive episodes and wondered what my life was going to ultimately add up to.  That ideal of being a rock for everyone else to rely on started to lose its appeal.

As I grew to know myself more, I realized that I had some changes to make.  My priorities shifted from being the “good girl” to being a woman who took care of herself and her kids.  This, as most of you know, takes a whole lot of time and energy.  In order to focus on my real priorities, I had to give up some other things that were less important.

I gave up pretending to be Catholic, even though my family was still very connected.  I gave up on the friends who didn’t really care about me, and my ability to accept BS went waaaaay down.  Yes, you guessed it, I made some decisions that other people didn’t like.  And you know, it wasn’t easy, but I was proud of sticking up for myself anyway.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I’ve been doing a lot of professional exploration.  It’s brought me to working with kids, learning how to be a coach, and letting my bank account suffer to do some great volunteer work.

My husband has been my safety net and supporter as I’ve run myself into personal debt.  I am grateful that I’ve gotten this chance to try out new things and follow my heart, even when it doesn’t turn out to the be the latest and greatest.

And, yes, in my moments of weakness, that old voice comes back…”when are you going back to a real job?!”  Instead of being sorry for the wandering path I’ve taken, I realized that I need to give myself some credit.  Why?  I’ve taken risks and never stopped searching or trying to find the answers.

I haven’t given up, and that, I believe, is something to celebrate!

And, I am pleased to announce that I plan to go to graduate school this fall, as a stepping stone to my next REAL job.  I’m even taking the GRE, which is no small potatoes.  But, somehow, this plan doesn’t feel daunting, it feels real and doable, and I’m going to do my best to keeping moving forward.

It took me a while to find the “path”, but I think I see it now, and I wouldn’t change the journey that brought me here for anything.

Sending all of you hope and “stick to it-ness” for 2016!

 

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